Key idea: alcohol problems do not always mean drinking every day or “hitting rock bottom”. Sometimes they begin when alcohol becomes a way to calm anxiety, switch off, sleep, cope with a difficult situation or avoid feeling something painful. This article will help you recognise warning signs, complete an orientative self-check and take realistic steps if you feel you may need support.
Some people come to therapy saying: “I don’t think it’s that serious.” Others are more direct: “I think alcohol is getting out of hand, but I feel ashamed to talk about it.” Many people are somewhere in between: they do not identify with the word alcoholism, but they do know that something about their relationship with alcohol no longer feels calm or free.
If you are reading this, you do not need to label yourself today. You do not need to decide whether you “are” one thing or another. Sometimes the first step is much simpler and more honest: looking carefully at the place alcohol has in your life, what function it is serving and what consequences it is starting to have.
At Ocnos Psychology Clinic, in Palmones, we work with people from the Campo de Gibraltar area who want to understand their habits, reduce behaviours that are hurting them and learn healthier ways to regulate anxiety, sadness, guilt, stress or loneliness. This article does not replace a professional assessment, but it can help you organise what may be happening.
Important before you continue: if you drink daily or in large amounts and, when you try to stop, you experience intense shaking, sweating, confusion, hallucinations, seizures, severe agitation or worrying physical symptoms, do not try to stop drinking suddenly without medical support. In those cases, speak to a doctor, go to A&E/urgent care or call emergency services.
Alcohol problems: warning signs that can easily go unnoticed
One common difficulty is that many people have a very extreme image of alcohol problems. They imagine someone drinking first thing in the morning, someone who has lost their job or someone who can no longer hide what is happening. In real life, the process is often much more gradual. Some people continue working, caring for their family, paying their bills and functioning externally, while still using alcohol more and more often as a way to escape. From the outside, everything may look “under control”. Inside, the person may be bargaining with themselves, hiding how much they drink or needing alcohol in order to switch off.Drinking to calm yourself
You notice alcohol appears when you are anxious, sad, angry, lonely or overwhelmed. You are not only drinking for pleasure; you are drinking to regulate something that feels difficult to hold.Promising it will be less
You tell yourself “just one”, “not this week”, “I’ll stop after the summer”, but you end up repeating the same pattern more often than you would like to admit.Needing more
What used to feel enough no longer does. Your body adapts, and the amount or frequency starts to increase almost without you noticing.Feeling guilty afterwards
The next day is not only about tiredness. There may be guilt, shame, anxiety, memory gaps, arguments or the feeling of “I’ve done it again”.Hiding or minimising
You feel uncomfortable when someone asks how much you have drunk, you hide part of your drinking or you answer with phrases such as “you’re exaggerating” while privately feeling unsure.Losing freedom
You begin organising plans, evenings, shopping or weekends around alcohol. It may not always be visible to others, but you can feel that it is taking up too much space.It is not about judging yourself. It is about understanding what alcohol is doing for you
A helpful question is not only “how much do I drink?”, but “what am I drinking for?”. Some people drink to sleep. Others drink to socialise. Others drink to cope with a difficult relationship, grief, work stress or a constant feeling of emptiness. Alcohol can become a quick solution to deep discomfort. The problem is that this solution often has a cost: it may relieve things for a few hours, but later it can increase anxiety, worsen sleep, intensify sadness, affect memory, damage relationships and reinforce the idea that “I cannot calm down without drinking”.
A more compassionate way to look at it: alcohol may not have started as “the problem”. It may have started as an attempt to solve something. But if that attempt is now hurting you, it deserves to be looked at seriously and without shame.
Self-check: is my relationship with alcohol becoming a problem?
This self-check does not diagnose alcoholism or alcohol use disorder, and it does not replace a professional assessment. It is an orientative tool created to help you notice risk signs and decide whether it may be time to ask for psychological or medical support. Privacy: your answers are not stored or sent anywhere.How to understand your result without panicking or minimising it
An orientative result does not define who you are. It is not there to punish you. It is there to open an honest conversation with yourself. If your score is high, the important thing is not to feel ashamed. The important thing is not to stay alone with something that is taking up too much space. The opposite can also happen: the total score may not be especially high, but one question may have touched something important. For example, drinking to calm anxiety, hiding your drinking or having symptoms when you try to stop. Even if the total score does not look extreme, that specific signal may deserve attention.
A useful clinical rule: if your drinking worries you, if you struggle to talk about it or if you have started negotiating with yourself to justify it, there is already enough there to explore it with support.
Exercise 1: keep a 7-day record without trying to do it perfectly
Before changing a habit, it helps to observe it. Not to criticise yourself, but to understand it. For one week, write down each situation in which you drink or feel the urge to drink.Situation
Where were you? Who were you with? What time was it? Had you just finished work, had an argument, been alone or felt overwhelmed?Emotion
What were you feeling before drinking? Anxiety, boredom, sadness, anger, shame, social pressure, tiredness or emptiness.Thought
What did you tell yourself? “I deserve it”, “just today”, “I need it”, “I can’t switch off without it”, “everyone drinks”.Consequence
What happened afterwards? Did it relieve you? How long did the relief last? How did you feel the next day?Exercise 2: the wave of the urge to drink
The urge to drink can feel like an emergency: “I have to do it now.” But urges, even when intense, usually rise, reach a peak and then fall. You do not have to fight the wave; you have to learn how to ride it for a few minutes without automatically obeying it.1
Name the wave
Say to yourself: “I am having the urge to drink.” Do not say “I can’t cope”. Name what is happening without becoming fused with it.2
Delay for 15 minutes
You do not need to decide the whole evening. Decide only not to drink for the next 15 minutes and review it afterwards.3
Change the context
Move to another room, go for a walk, have a shower, call someone or choose a non-alcoholic drink. Urges tend to pass more easily when you do not remain still in front of the trigger.Exercise 3: learn to say no without over-explaining
In many places, including the Campo de Gibraltar, alcohol is highly present in meals, celebrations, fairs, dinners, barbecues and social gatherings. That means reducing or stopping drinking is not only a personal decision; it also involves dealing with comments, looks and social pressure.
Sentences you can use without entering a debate:
“I’m not drinking today, thanks.”
“I’m taking a break from alcohol for a while.”
“I’d rather have something alcohol-free.”
“I’m looking after my health and I’d prefer not to drink.”
“I don’t need to explain it too much, but thank you for respecting it.”
You do not have to convince everyone. If someone insists too much, perhaps the problem is not your decision, but their difficulty respecting your boundary.
Exercise 4: prepare a 72-hour plan
When a person wants to change their relationship with alcohol, they sometimes try to do everything at once: “never again”, “that’s it”, “I have to become a different person”. That approach may work for some people, but for others it creates overwhelm and a sense of failure if there is a setback. A 72-hour plan is more manageable. It does not aim to solve your entire life. It simply creates structure for the next three days.1
Remove easy access
Do not keep alcohol at home if you know it is hard for you to stop. Avoid buying it “just in case”. “Just in case” often becomes “today as well”.2
Tell one person
Choose someone you trust and say something specific: “For the next three days I want to drink less or not drink. If I struggle, remind me why I started.”3
Plan the difficult moments
Identify the highest-risk times: after work, at night, when you get home or during social plans. Decide in advance what you will do in that window.When to ask for psychological help for alcohol problems
You do not need to wait until everything has fallen apart. In fact, the earlier you ask for help, the more room there is to work before the problem becomes more fixed or more complicated. It may be time to ask for psychological help if:- You are worried about your drinking, even if other people do not see it clearly.
- You drink to calm anxiety, sadness, stress, anger or loneliness.
- You have tried to cut down several times and keep returning to the same pattern.
- Alcohol is affecting your relationship, family, work, studies or self-esteem.
- You find it hard to talk about it without feeling guilty, ashamed or defensive.
- There are episodes of loss of control, memory gaps, arguments or impulsive behaviour.
- You feel you need to understand what sits underneath the drinking, not just “behave better”.