Key idea: acting in line with your values does not require fear, doubt or discomfort to disappear. It means recognising what kind of person you want to be in a particular situation and choosing one small step that is within your control.
Sometimes we know which conversation we need to have, which boundary we want to set or which task we ought to begin. Yet we wait until we feel confident, motivated or calm enough to take that step. The trouble is that the perfect moment may never arrive.
In this guided audio, Héctor Lozano invites you to take a short pause to reconnect with what matters and act in line with your values. The exercise does not promise that everything will turn out well or try to make an uncomfortable emotion vanish. Instead, it helps you notice what is happening, remember which value you want to honour and turn a broad intention into a specific action.
You might use it when you are avoiding something important, going round in circles over a decision or reacting in ways that do not reflect the person you want to be. All you need is just over three minutes and somewhere safe to pause.
Before listening: do not use this audio while driving, cycling or doing anything that requires your full attention. If the practice becomes too distressing, you can stop, look around you and return to an activity that helps you feel oriented.
Listen to the guided audio on acting in line with your values
Press play when you are ready. You do not need to have the whole situation worked out by the end. The aim is to find one small, manageable next step.
Returning to What Matters: Choosing a Direction
Voice and content: Héctor Lozano Jiménez
What does acting in line with your values mean?
Acting in line with your values means choosing how you want to behave, rather than dictating how you must feel. Care, honesty, courage, respect, patience, responsibility and self-kindness are all possible directions. They become useful when you translate them into a real situation.
For example, ‘I want to be brave’ is still quite broad. In a difficult conversation, courage might mean expressing what you need without attacking the other person. With a task you have been putting off, it could mean opening the document and working for ten minutes. If you are exhausted, acting responsibly may mean resting deliberately rather than pushing yourself harder.
A quality you want to bring to your actions: honesty, care, courage or respect.
An outcome you can complete: send a message, book an appointment or finish a task.
An experience that may accompany you: fear, sadness, guilt, anger, relief or excitement.
A goal may or may not be achieved. A value, by contrast, can be expressed again and again in different ways. Acting in line with your values therefore does not guarantee a pleasant feeling: you might speak honestly and still feel nervous, care for someone while feeling tired, or set a respectful boundary while experiencing guilt.
How to identify the value that matters in a particular situation
You do not need a perfect list of values or a single word that defines you forever. Start with the situation in front of you and ask: ‘Here and now, what kind of person do I want to be?’
During a difficult conversation
Do you want to act with honesty, respect, assertiveness, attentive listening or care? You might need more than one.
When you are avoiding something
Do courage, learning, responsibility or commitment to yourself matter here?
When you have made a mistake
Would you like to respond with accountability, making amends and kindness, rather than self-punishment or escape?
When you are worn out
What would it look like to care for yourself without losing sight of what matters: resting, asking for help or taking a smaller step?
Several legitimate values can pull in different directions. You may want to be kind to someone else while also respecting your own boundaries. The question is not which is the ‘correct’ value, but which combination fits the situation and the real consequences of your actions.
Practical exercise: turn a value into your next step
You do not need to resolve an entire situation to act in line with your values. The audio asks a deliberately small question: ‘What is the smallest step I can take in that direction?’ The more specific your answer, the easier it is to know whether you have followed through.
Try it with a real situation
You can answer in your head or write your answers on paper. One short sentence per step is enough.
Describe the situation
Stick to concrete facts: ‘I still need to reply to that email’, ‘I am avoiding making a call’ or ‘I want to talk about what happened’.
Notice what shows up
Name thoughts, emotions and urges without treating them as instructions: ‘I feel afraid’, ‘I think it might go badly’ and ‘I want to put it off’.
Choose a direction
Complete the sentence: ‘In this situation, I want to act with…’ Choose one or two values to guide your decision.
Make the step smaller
Look for an action that is within your control, that you can recognise when you have done it and that you could begin today. If it still feels enormous, reduce it further.
Decide when to begin
‘Later’ is hard to act on. Try: ‘After lunch, I will open the document and write the first paragraph’.
Example: setting a boundary without waiting for guilt to disappear
Situation: you have agreed to another request when you already have no time or energy left.
What shows up: guilt, fear of disappointing someone and the thought ‘If I say no, they will be upset’.
Values: honesty, respect and looking after yourself.
Specific step: write a short reply: ‘I can't take this on this time. I'd rather tell you now so you can make other arrangements’.
What you cannot control: whether the other person understands, agrees or feels disappointed.
Moving forwards even when discomfort is still there
The challenge of acting in line with your values often appears precisely when you do not feel ready. Waiting can seem sensible, but sometimes it becomes an impossible condition. Complete certainty is rarely available before a vulnerable conversation, an important request or the start of something we have been avoiding.
Values-based action does not mean ignoring distress. It means making room for an emotion without handing it full control over the decision. You can think ‘I'm not sure I can do this’, feel tension in your body and still take a considered step towards what matters.
Nor does this mean you should always act immediately or at any cost. Sometimes the action that reflects your values is waiting until you are less angry, gathering more information, leaving an unsafe situation, resting or seeking support. Choosing a direction also means considering your circumstances, resources and the consequences.
Common mistakes when trying to live by your values
Turning a value into another ‘should’
If ‘I want to be responsible’ becomes ‘I must manage everything and never make a mistake’, the value has turned into a rigid demand. Responsibility can also mean recognising a limit, rearranging a task or asking for help in good time.
Choosing an action that depends on someone else
‘Make them understand me’ is not fully within your control. ‘Explain what I need clearly and listen to their response’ describes your own part in the interaction.
Trying to take too big a step
If the action feels paralysing, making it smaller is not cheating. ‘Sort out my career’ could become ‘write down three options’ or ‘ask for information about one of them’.
Using a value to get rid of an emotion
Taking action may bring relief, but not necessarily straight away. If you only count it as worthwhile when anxiety or guilt disappears, those emotions are still deciding whether you can move forwards.
Confusing commitment with tolerating harm
Acting with patience, love or loyalty does not mean you have to stay in an abusive relationship, tolerate humiliation or put yourself in danger. Safety, dignity and self-care matter too. Where there is violence or immediate risk, your next step should prioritise protection and specialist support.
When might this guided audio be useful?
This practice can provide a brief pause to help you act in line with your values when:
- you are waiting to feel motivated before starting a task;
- you want to have a conversation but keep postponing it through fear or guilt;
- you need to set a boundary and are afraid of disappointing someone;
- you have reacted in a way that does not sit well with you and want to make amends;
- you are weighing up several options and want to remember what matters;
- an emotion feels intense but you can still pause and make a safe choice.
You do not need to save this exercise for major decisions. Values also show up in small moments: listening without looking at your phone, completing one part of a task, apologising without making excuses or resting before you reach exhaustion.
Full transcript of the guided audio
The transcript is here if you prefer reading, have difficulty hearing or want to revisit a particular question. Pauses in the recording are shown in italics.
Read the transcript of ‘Returning to What Matters’
Returning to What Matters
Choosing a Direction
Hello.
For the next few minutes, we are going to pause and reconnect with what matters to you.
You do not need to feel motivated.
And you do not need the doubt, fear, or discomfort to disappear before you act.
[Pause for 5 seconds]
Take a moment to notice what is present right now.
What thoughts are showing up?
What emotion do you notice?
What is it urging you to do, or to avoid?
[Pause for 8 seconds]
Now ask yourself:
In this situation, what kind of person do I want to be?
Perhaps you want to act with courage.
With honesty.
With care.
With respect.
With patience.
With responsibility.
Or with kindness towards yourself.
[Pause for 10 seconds]
Values are not goals that we achieve once and for all.
They are directions.
And you can move towards them through small actions, even when difficult emotions are present.
[Pause for 8 seconds]
Now ask yourself:
What is the smallest step I can take in that direction?
Perhaps it is starting a conversation.
Continuing with a task for a few minutes.
Setting a boundary.
Asking for help.
Listening before responding.
Resting intentionally.
Or doing something important even without knowing for certain how it will turn out.
[Pause for 10 seconds]
Choose one specific action.
Something you can begin today.
Perhaps even now.
[Pause for 5 seconds]
You do not need to wait until you feel ready.
You can carry the discomfort with you and, at the same time, move towards what matters.
[Pause for 8 seconds]
Before you continue, remember:
You cannot always choose what you think or feel.
But you can choose your next step.
When you are ready, return to your day and begin with that small action.
What to do after listening
Before going back to your day, put your step into words using a verb and a time: ‘I'll open’, ‘I'll write’, ‘I'll ask’, ‘I'll request’, ‘I'll rest’ or ‘I'll say’. Then check that it is within your control and that you can begin without having to resolve the whole situation.
If you do not take that step, try not to treat it as proof of failure. Living by your values sustainably also means noticing what got in the way. Perhaps the step was still too big, the timing was unsafe, you lacked information or you were acting from somebody else's expectations. Adjusting the plan is part of the process too.
When a short audio exercise is not enough
A brief audio can help you pause and choose, but it does not replace psychological assessment or, on its own, address patterns that maintain severe anxiety, depression, trauma, an abusive relationship or avoidance that is restricting your life.
If you have felt stuck for weeks, your distress is affecting sleep, work, studies or relationships, or you are giving up more and more things that matter, professional support may help. Therapy offers space to explore which values are genuinely yours, what barriers arise and how to take realistic steps suited to your circumstances.
If you are in crisis or immediate danger: this resource is not an emergency service. In Spain, call 112. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or need support relating to suicidal behaviour in yourself or someone close to you, you can contact the Spanish Ministry of Health's 024 helpline.
Frequently asked questions about personal values
What are personal values in psychology?
They are qualities you want to express through your actions, such as honesty, care, courage, respect or responsibility. They provide a direction and can be put into practice in many different ways; they are not goals you complete once and for all.
What is the difference between a value and a goal?
A value describes how you want to act; a goal is a specific outcome. ‘Caring for my relationships’ can be a direction, while ‘ring my brother today’ is an action or goal that expresses it.
How can I work out what my values are?
Start with a real situation and ask yourself what kind of person you want to be in it. Notice which qualities you would like your actions to show, rather than what emotion you want to feel or what other people expect of you.
Can I act in line with my values without feeling motivated?
Yes. Motivation may help, but it is not a prerequisite. Choose a step that is small, specific and possible. Taking action does not guarantee that discomfort will disappear, but it means a lack of motivation does not always make the decision for you.
Does living by my values mean putting up with a harmful situation?
No. Values such as love, patience and commitment do not require you to tolerate abuse, humiliation or danger. Safety, dignity, self-care and seeking support can guide your decisions too.
How often can I listen to this guided audio?
You can use it whenever you need to clarify a direction and choose a step. With practice, you may not always need the recording: you can repeat its questions to yourself and adapt your next action to each situation.
Sources and related resources
This exercise draws on psychological work with values and psychological flexibility. For further reading and practice:
- World Health Organization: Doing What Matters in Times of Stress, a practical guide with stress-management exercises and audio resources.
- Grounding yourself in the present: guided audio, to recognise thoughts, feelings and urges before choosing what to do.
- Observe emotions without judgement: guided meditation, a practice for relating to your inner experience with greater openness.
- What are thoughts, and why isn't everything you think true?, to understand why having a thought does not mean you have to obey it.
Would you like to repeat the exercise?
This time, listen while keeping just one situation in mind. At the end, hold on to a single sentence: ‘The next step I will take is…’
Returning to What Matters
Choose a direction and a step you can begin today.
If you need more than a brief exercise
At Ocnos Psychology Clinic, we can help you understand what is keeping you stuck and turn what matters into changes that fit your life. We offer in-person appointments in Palmones, in the Campo de Gibraltar area, and online therapy.
