Key message: having negative thoughts about yourself because you are trans does not make those thoughts true, nor does it mean you chose them. Stigma can become internalised. Working with it is not about forcing yourself to ‘feel proud’; it is about noticing what you learnt, what the inner voice is trying to do and whether you want to keep treating yourself that way.
In this article, you’ll find
You may never tell another trans person ‘nobody will want you’, ‘you are embarrassing’ or ‘you only deserve respect if nobody can tell you are trans’. Yet thoughts with exactly that message may appear against you surprisingly easily.
Sometimes they are subtler: ‘I shouldn't attract attention’, ‘I have to do everything perfectly’, ‘I should be grateful anyone accepts me’ or ‘if I don't pass, I have failed’.
Understanding internalised transphobia helps us see these ideas as beliefs with a history rather than objective descriptions of who you are.
What is internalised transphobia?
Research also uses terms such as internalised transnegativity and internalised gender stigma. They describe negative social messages about trans people becoming incorporated into how you value yourself, imagine your future or respond to other trans people.
The concept is not intended as a moral accusation that you are ‘transphobic’. It describes one way social prejudice can enter psychological experience.
If you repeatedly encounter messages that trans people are ridiculous, undesirable, deceptive, difficult or something to hide, it is understandable that some of those associations may later appear automatically.
Shame is an emotion, not evidence about your identity
An emotion can be intense without its message being accurate.
Shame tends to globalise:
‘I did not simply do something wrong; I am the problem.’
That is different from proportionate guilt, which may point towards a specific behaviour you wish to repair.
When shame combines with gender stigma, it may encourage hiding, accepting less respect, avoiding intimacy, distancing yourself from other trans people or trying to compensate for your identity by becoming impeccable.
Exercise: where did this voice learn to speak?
Affirmative literature in Chaparro and Abreu's volume encourages clinicians to explore the sources of negative beliefs about gender identity: family, peers, partners, media, institutions and other settings. The aim is not to find one person to blame but to return the belief to its history.
Trace origin, function and cost
1. Write the exact sentence.
‘Nobody will want a serious relationship with me because I'm trans.’
2. Where did you hear or learn something similar?
It may have been explicit, or present in jokes, films, family comments, social media or previous relationships.
3. What is this voice trying to prevent?
Perhaps trust, visibility or the possibility of being humiliated again.
4. What does obeying it cost you?
Does it isolate you, stop you setting boundaries or lead you to accept relationships you would not recommend to somebody else?
5. What would a more accurate response sound like?
It need not be positive: ‘Being trans does not guarantee either rejection or acceptance; I want to judge each relationship by how that person actually treats me.’
When the critic tries to protect you by attacking you
One useful idea from compassion-focused approaches is that some forms of self-criticism can be understood as threat-management strategies.
‘If I criticise myself before anyone else does, perhaps I can fix myself before they humiliate me.’
The function may be protection. The method may still be harmful.
This understanding avoids two extremes: obeying the critic as though it were correct, or attacking yourself for having it — ‘now I'm also a bad person for feeling ashamed’.
Exercise: notice the double standard
Internalised stigma can create rules that you apply only to yourself or to other trans people.
The same event, two standards
If a cis person did this…
Would I think their whole gender had been discredited? Would I require perfection before respecting them?
If another trans person were in my situation…
Would I use the same words I use against myself?
Which rule am I applying because I am trans?
‘I cannot become angry’, ‘I cannot make mistakes’, ‘I should be grateful for any affection’.
The aim is not to lower your standards. It is to check whether gender has been turned into a permanent debt you are expected to repay.
Wanting to pass does not prove internalised transphobia
Someone may wish to be perceived as cis because of congruence, appearance, privacy or safety. None of those reasons is evidence of internalised stigma by itself.
It becomes worth exploring when the goal turns into a rule about personal worth:
‘If somebody can tell I'm trans, that means I have failed.’
Then it may help to separate preference and safety from shame and self-attack. See our guide to passing, visibility and the fear of being read as trans.
When rejection is directed towards other trans people
Sometimes a person tries to distance themselves from anything they fear others will associate with them. Discomfort may appear around somebody who is very visible, does not seek to pass or experiences gender differently.
Rather than adding ‘I'm a terrible person’, ask:
- What exactly is being activated?
- What am I afraid other people will think about me when they see this person?
- Am I trying to prove that ‘I'm not like them’ in order to feel safer?
- Which rule am I applying to them that I also use against myself?
You do not need to feel close to everybody. The aim is to notice when an ordinary difference becomes a hierarchy of who deserves dignity.
Self-compassion is not positive thinking or lack of accountability
Responding to yourself with compassion does not mean pretending everything is fine, denying real discrimination or abandoning goals.
‘I'm feeling ashamed because this touches something very sensitive. I can review what happened without insulting myself in order to do it.’
Recent research with trans and non-binary participants has found relationships between internalised gender stigma, self-criticism and depressive symptoms. Self-reassurance should not be presented as a magic solution, and cross-sectional findings do not establish individual causality.
Exercise: move from critic to coach
1. What does the critic say?
‘You look ridiculous; nobody will take you seriously.’
2. What is it trying to achieve?
Safety, belonging, avoiding humiliation or helping you feel prepared.
3. Keep the aim and change the method.
‘I want to feel safe. I can prepare and choose what feels right without becoming my own aggressor.’
You are not required to feel proud
Working through shame does not require you to end up feeling constant pride about being trans.
Some people want pride and belonging. Others want peace. Others want neutrality: for being trans to stop operating as an internal accusation and simply occupy the space it has within a much larger life.
When therapy may help
Consider support if shame prevents intimacy, accepting care, setting boundaries or looking after yourself; if you believe you deserve worse treatment; if the need to appear cis dominates your life; or if self-criticism has become intense and persistent.
Within affirmative therapy, the goal is not to persuade you to feel a particular emotion about your identity. Therapy can explore the history of these rules, the function of the critic, shame, relationships, safety, boundaries and any other psychological difficulties occurring alongside them.
If constant monitoring for rejection is central, see hypervigilance and fear of rejection.
Frequently asked questions
Does internalised transphobia mean I'm transphobic?
It is not most useful to understand it as a moral accusation. The concept describes how negative social messages can become part of thoughts, emotions and rules about yourself or other trans people.
Does feeling ashamed mean I'm not really trans?
No. Shame may relate to rejection, learnt messages or fear of social judgement. It is not an identity test.
Does wanting to pass mean I have internalised transphobia?
Not necessarily. Passing may relate to congruence, safety, privacy or personal preference. It may be worth exploring if your self-worth depends on nobody ever being able to recognise you as trans.
Does self-compassion mean lowering my standards?
No. You can change behaviour, take responsibility and pursue goals without using humiliation or contempt as the method.
Do I have to feel proud of being trans?
No. Pride, acceptance, neutrality or a changing mixture of emotions can all be valid. There is no compulsory emotional response to your identity.
The prejudice you received does not have to become the way you speak to yourself
Ocnos Psychology Clinic offers affirmative psychological support in person in Palmones and online. We can help you understand where particular rules came from, what self-criticism is trying to do and how to build a fairer relationship with yourself without dictating how you ought to feel about your identity.
Sources consulted
- Martínez Guzmán, C. and Tomicic, A. (2023). ‘Psychotherapy and Affirmative Practices with Trans and Gender Non-conforming Patients in Chile’, in Chaparro, R. A. and Abreu, R. L. (eds.), LGBTQ+ Affirmative Psychological Interventions: A Latine/x Perspective. Springer.
- Pachankis, J. E., Harkness, A. R., Jackson, S. D. and Safren, S. A. (2022). Transdiagnostic LGBTQ-Affirmative Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: Therapist Guide. Oxford University Press.
- Scandurra, C. et al. (2018). Internalized Transphobia, Resilience, and Mental Health. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 15(3), 508.
- Inderbinen, M. et al. (2021). Relationship of Internalized Transnegativity and Protective Factors With Depression, Anxiety, Non-suicidal Self-Injury and Suicidal Tendency in Trans Populations.
- Baiocco, R. et al. (2025). The Role of Self-Reassurance in the Relation Between Internalized Gender Stigma, Self-Criticism, and Depression Among Transgender and Nonbinary Patients. LGBT Health, 12(8), 583–591.
- Ogarrio, K. et al. (2025). Forms of transphobia and their influence on health outcomes among transgender, nonbinary, and gender diverse individuals: a global systematic review.
Clinical note: internalised transphobia, shame and self-criticism are not diagnoses in themselves. Not every negative thought experienced by a trans person comes from stigma, and good assessment should consider the person's wider circumstances.
