Table of Contents for this article
Key idea: talking about internal parts in psychology does not mean having several personalities. It means recognising that, at times, different needs can exist within the same person: one part wants to move forward, another tries to protect, another criticises, another avoids, and another feels exhausted. Understanding this inner conflict can be the first step towards no longer experiencing it as a war against yourself.
In therapy, I often hear sentences such as: “I know what I should do, but I can’t”, “one part of me wants to move forward and another part freezes”, or “I get angry with myself because I keep doing the same thing again”. When this happens, I do not usually think first of a lack of willpower. I usually think of inner conflict.
Sometimes, from the outside, the person may seem contradictory. However, what is happening inside is not incoherence, but different needs trying to coexist. One part wants to change, another fears the cost of that change, another criticises, another protects by avoiding, and another is simply exhausted. From this perspective, the problem is not “having parts”, but not being able to listen to them without judgement.
That is why, when I talk about internal parts in psychology, I am not doing so to label or complicate what the person feels. I do it because this language can help organise an experience that, from the inside, may feel confusing, intense or even shameful. Instead of saying “I am a mess”, the person may begin to say: “there is a part of me that is very frightened” or “there is a part that tries to protect me by criticising me”. That difference may seem small, but in therapy it often opens a much kinder space to begin working.
When wanting to change is not enough
Many people come to therapy with the feeling that they understand perfectly well what is happening to them, yet they still repeat the same patterns. In fact, knowing does not always mean being able to act. We can know that something is hurting us and, at the same time, feel that moving towards change is too threatening.
This can be seen in very everyday examples: wanting to set boundaries and then staying silent; wanting to start therapy but postponing the appointment; wanting to rest but continuing to push yourself; wanting to leave a relationship that is hurting you but remaining attached to hope. It is not that the person does not want to change. Sometimes there is fear, shame, exhaustion, learned loyalties or a deep need for protection.
Therefore, when someone tells me they feel “stuck”, I try to look beyond the visible behaviour. Stuckness often has an emotional logic. It is not always pleasant, but it is usually understandable if we pay attention to the person’s history and to what their internal system has learned in order to survive.
Also, not all forms of stuckness have the same intensity or the same origin. Sometimes they appear around one specific decision. At other times they repeat for years, especially when the person has learned that being visible, asking for help, feeling anger, resting or setting boundaries can lead to painful consequences. In those cases, the blockage does not usually disappear simply by demanding more from yourself, but by learning to relate differently to what is happening inside.
What are internal parts?
When I talk about internal parts in psychology, I am not talking about several personalities. I am talking about different states, impulses, inner voices or ways of reacting that can appear within the same person depending on the situation. Everyone can experience this.
In the same day, a person may notice a part that wants to move forward, a part that fears making a mistake, a critical part that punishes, a pleasing part that wants to avoid conflict, an avoidant part that tries to escape discomfort, and an exhausted part that cannot take any more. From a clinical point of view, these experiences are not unusual or pathological in themselves. They are human ways of organising internal experience.
In therapy, this language can help bring order to what previously felt like chaos. Sometimes, naming a part allows someone to stop feeling “I am a disaster” and begin to think “there is a very frightened part of me” or “there is a part that is trying to protect me by criticising me”. That small shift can reduce guilt and create space for understanding.
Having internal parts is not the same as having dissociative identity disorder. In this article, I am referring to internal states, impulses, emotional voices or protective tendencies that many people may experience. If there are memory gaps, intense disconnection, severe feelings of unreality, very marked identity changes or significant interference in daily life, it is important to seek a careful professional assessment.
Why do I resist change?
Resistance to change is not always the enemy. Sometimes it is a form of protection. If change means being exposed, failing, disappointing someone, losing control or feeling pain again, it makes sense that one internal part might say: “better not”.
Sometimes resistance looks like procrastination. At other times it looks like constant doubt. It can also appear as perfectionism, emotional self-sabotage, the need for control or avoidance. However, beneath those behaviours there is often a function: to avoid suffering, shame or emotional threat.
This matters because it changes the way we treat ourselves. If I interpret my resistance as laziness or moral failure, I punish myself more. If I understand it as a learned strategy, I can begin to ask what it fears, what it protects and what it needs. That question does not solve everything, but it is often a more useful and compassionate starting point.
For example, someone may want to change jobs, but every time they open a vacancy they feel anxious, get distracted or leave it for another day. From the outside, it may look like a simple lack of organisation. However, when we look more carefully, there may be a part that fears not being good enough, another that remembers experiences of rejection, another that does not want to disappoint the family, and another that is exhausted from holding everything together. From there, the problem stops being “I have no discipline” and becomes an internal conversation that needs order, safety and support.
Resistance as protection
A part that resists may be trying to protect an old wound. Sometimes it protects against external criticism, sometimes against one’s own self-criticism, and sometimes against emotions that were too intense to hold for a long time. In trauma and shame, avoidance does not usually appear for no reason: very often it appears because getting close to what hurts feels too dangerous.
That is why self-sabotage is not always a conscious act of sabotage. It may be a way of avoiding the pain of failure, rejection or exposure. It can appear when the person has learned that moving forward, asking or showing themselves can bring difficult consequences. In that case, the internal system tries to stop before something “worse” happens.
In therapy, I find it more useful to explore that logic than to fight against it. Not because we should resign ourselves to it, but because change often becomes more possible when the protective part feels it will not be expelled. If we attack it, it hardens. If we listen to it, sometimes it softens.
A useful therapeutic question is not always “why don’t I change?”. Sometimes it is more helpful to ask: “what part of me feels that changing would be dangerous?” or “what is this resistance trying to avoid?”. This way of looking at the problem does not remove personal responsibility, but it can reduce guilt and allow more precise work.
Anxiety and inner conflict
Anxiety often intensifies inner conflict. When a person lives with a lot of anticipation, fear or need for control, it is easy for one part to want to act while another tries to avoid any risk. The result can feel like a very exhausting internal tug of war.
From this perspective, anxiety is not only experienced as nerves. It can also feel like doubt, hypervigilance, stuckness, constant checking or an inability to decide. The mind tries to prevent harm, but that same vigilance ends up limiting life.
That is why many people with anxiety feel frustrated with themselves: they want to move forward, but their whole system activates as if moving forward were dangerous. In therapy, I work so that the person can distinguish between a real risk and a learned fear. When that difference becomes clearer, movement often begins to open up.
Healthcare sources agree that anxiety can involve worry that is difficult to control, tension, avoidance and difficulties in daily life. The National Institute of Mental Health describes excessive worry as a central element of generalised anxiety disorder, and the NHS also describes symptoms such as fear, panic, avoidance and a sense of threat. For this reason, when inner conflict is strongly coloured by anxiety, it is not enough to say “just relax”: it is usually necessary to understand what activates the fear and which strategies are maintaining the stuckness.
If this experience is taking up a lot of space in your life, you may find it useful to read more about anxiety treatment and consider an initial professional consultation.
Depression and emotional stuckness
In depression, inner conflict may look different. Sometimes there is not so much visible struggle, but rather emotional shutdown, tiredness, stuckness and a feeling of being unable to respond. One part wants to get out, but another feels without energy, without hope or without the capacity to imagine that anything could improve.
Depression is also often accompanied by self-criticism. The person is not only feeling unwell; they also criticise themselves for feeling unwell. This can worsen suffering and reduce the possibility of change, because the energy that could go towards care goes instead towards internal attack. Research has linked self-criticism with poorer therapeutic outcomes and a heavier burden of distress.
Sometimes, depressive stuckness is interpreted as disinterest or carelessness. I prefer to understand it as a sign that the system is saturated. It is not always necessary to demand more effort. Sometimes what is needed is more support, more structure and a clinical intervention adjusted to the severity of the moment.
The clinical practice guideline on depression in adults, developed within the Spanish National Health System context, highlights the importance of adequate assessment and evidence-based psychological interventions, especially when distress affects daily functioning. At Ocnos, when we talk about emotional stuckness, we do not reduce it to “lack of motivation”; we try to assess the context, intensity, duration, personal history and available resources.
If you recognise yourself in this shutdown, you can read more about depression treatment and seek help before the distress becomes more entrenched.
The inner critic and self-sabotage
The inner critic deserves special attention because it often sounds convincing. It does not always shout; sometimes it whispers things like “don’t exaggerate”, “you won’t be able to”, “you have failed again” or “if you relax, you will fall apart”. Although it may seem useful, it often keeps the person on alert and increases shame, anxiety and stuckness.
Very often, that critic was born as an attempt to prevent mistakes, rejection or humiliation. The problem is that, over time, it stops protecting and starts hurting. The person becomes trapped between two forces: the part that wants to grow and the part that punishes in order to avoid risk.
In therapy, I do not treat the critic as an enemy to be eliminated. I try to understand what it is trying to achieve and what cost its strategy has. This perspective is often more effective than internal war, because it allows movement from conflict towards dialogue.
Self-criticism is not just an abstract idea. A review indexed in PubMed has explored the relationship between self-criticism and psychotherapy outcomes, especially its role in maintaining distress. At the same time, research on self-compassion in psychotherapy supports the usefulness of developing a less punitive and more regulating way of relating to oneself. This does not mean “letting yourself off everything”; it means learning to correct yourself without destroying yourself.
A simple way to understand your internal parts
For many people, inner conflict becomes easier to understand when they can see it in an organised way. This is not about forcing yourself into a classification, but about observing what appears, when it appears and what it may be trying to protect.
| Internal part | How it may show up | What it may be protecting |
|---|---|---|
| The part that wants to move forward | A desire to change, ask for help, set boundaries or make decisions. | The need to grow, reduce distress or live with greater coherence. |
| The fearful part | Doubt, anticipation, stuckness, fear of mistakes or rejection. | Safety, control and protection from painful experiences. |
| The critical part | Harsh inner phrases, pressure, guilt, comparison or shame. | Avoiding failure, humiliation, disapproval or vulnerability. |
| The avoidant part | Postponing, distracting yourself, disconnecting or avoiding important conversations. | Reducing immediate distress and moving away from overwhelming emotions. |
| The pleasing part | Saying yes when you want to say no, over-adapting or avoiding conflict. | Connection, acceptance and prevention of rejection. |
| The exhausted part | Apathy, tiredness, feeling unable to continue or loss of initiative. | The need to stop, rest and stop carrying so much weight. |
What is the connection with IFS?
The IFS model, or Internal Family Systems, uses precisely the language of parts to describe this type of internal experience. It is not the only way to understand inner conflict, but it does offer an organised and compassionate way to name it.
The research available on IFS is still limited when compared with more established therapies for anxiety or depression. Even so, there are promising preliminary studies, and this justifies speaking about the model with interest, but also with clinical caution. I do not present it as a magical answer, but as a useful framework for understanding why a person may feel divided inside between protecting themselves and moving forward.
From this perspective, the goal is not to force one part to be quiet. It is to help parts listen to each other with less fear and less judgement. This approach fits very well with responsible therapeutic practice, especially when there is trauma, shame or deeply rooted patterns of self-criticism.
If you would like to explore this approach further, you can read our article on IFS therapy, where we explain in more detail what Internal Family Systems is and how it understands inner conflict.
How I work with these parts in therapy
In therapy, I begin by putting language to what the person is experiencing. Sometimes it is enough to identify which part appears in each moment: the one that pushes, the one that stops, the one that criticises, the one that hides, the one that has no energy left. Naming them does not solve the problem immediately, but it organises the experience and reduces confusion.
Then I usually explore the function of each part. What is it trying to avoid? What is it afraid of losing? What did it learn? When does it appear most strongly? This work is often very valuable because it turns the symptom into clinical information. Instead of asking only “what is wrong with me?”, we begin to ask “what is this trying to do for me?”.
From there, the work may include emotional regulation, work with self-criticism, self-compassion, gradual exposure when appropriate, and evidence-based strategies for anxiety or depression. If there is trauma, the intervention must be especially careful, because relational safety and pace matter a great deal.
In many cases, the process is not about pushing the person to change all at once. It is about helping them understand which part is ready, which part needs more safety and which steps are realistic. Sometimes progress begins when a person stops seeing their stuckness as an enemy and starts listening to it as a signal.
Affirmative therapy and hidden parts
In affirmative therapy, this idea of internal parts is often especially relevant. Many LGBTQ+ people have spent years learning to hide, monitor themselves, please others or protect themselves from judgement. This does not mean their identity is fragmented; it means they have needed to adapt to environments that were not always safe.
That is why, sometimes, one part wants to be seen and another insists on hiding. One part wants to live with more freedom, while another fears rejection. When I understand this conflict from an affirmative perspective, I do not reduce distress to an individual problem. I also look at the social context, the history of invalidation and the burden of shame that can accompany these experiences.
This type of work requires a particularly respectful approach. It is not enough to tell the person to “accept themselves”. It is necessary to build a space where they can explore their story without being questioned or corrected.
From my clinical perspective, affirmative therapy does not try to direct anyone towards one specific way of living. Rather, it offers a space where the person can listen to themselves with less fear, review which parts have had to hide, and decide, at their own pace, what they need in order to live with more safety and coherence.
Fictional mini case: when asking for help also feels frightening
Imagine a person who has been thinking about starting therapy for months. They know they are not well. They have read about anxiety, spoken to a friend and recognised that they need support. However, every time they are about to book an appointment, they close the page and tell themselves: “it’s not that bad”, “I’m sure I can manage alone” or “I feel embarrassed talking about this”.
From the outside, we might say they are avoiding. And yes, in part, they are. But if we look more carefully, perhaps there are several parts working at the same time: one part wants help, another fears stirring things up too much, another criticises them for needing support, and another tries to protect them from feeling vulnerable in front of someone they do not know.
In therapy, it would not make sense to attack that resistance. It would be more useful to listen to it. What does it fear will happen if the person asks for help? What previous experiences taught them that being visible was dangerous? What would they need in order to take the first step with more safety? Sometimes, when the person understands this, asking for help stops feeling like a defeat and begins to feel like a form of care.
When to seek professional help
It is worth seeking professional help when inner conflict stops being an occasional experience and begins to persistently limit daily life. If a person feels stuck for weeks or months, avoids important decisions, becomes isolated, cannot rest, or lives almost every day at war with themselves, psychological support is worth considering.
It is also important to seek help as soon as possible if warning signs appear: thoughts of death, self-harm, problematic substance use, severe isolation, intense hopelessness or a significant loss of functioning. In those cases, the priority is not to understand everything immediately, but to ensure support and clinical assessment.
Asking for help does not mean a person is broken. It means their suffering has become too much to carry alone. I see this very often in therapy: you do not have to be at breaking point to deserve help, but it is wise not to wait when distress starts to narrow your life too much.
An important sign: if the inner struggle is beginning to affect your relationships, sleep, work, studies, self-esteem or ability to make decisions, you do not need to wait until you feel worse before asking for support.
Psychological support in Palmones and Campo de Gibraltar
I work from Palmones, in Los Barrios, and support people from across Campo de Gibraltar. I also see people looking for a psychologist in Palmones, psychologist in Algeciras, psychologist in La Línea de la Concepción, psychologist in Gibraltar and psychologist in Sotogrande, always with a close, clinical approach adapted to each person’s story.
My professional profile is Rocío Rodríguez Boza, General Health Psychologist, registered with COPAO AN 13748. For transparency, you can also check my COPAO professional registration and my professional profile on DocFav.
In this type of process, I usually recommend allowing yourself to ask for support before the distress becomes bigger. Sometimes timely intervention prevents inner conflict from becoming chronic stuckness.
Frequently asked questions about internal parts in psychology
Does having internal parts mean I have a personality disorder?
No. When I talk about internal parts, I am referring to different ways of reacting, feeling or protecting yourself within the same person. Everyone can experience contradictory inner voices, changes in state or opposing impulses. That does not imply a personality disorder. What matters clinically is the level of suffering, the rigidity of the pattern and the impact on functioning. If someone experiences a lot of confusion, persistent distress or important difficulties in relationships and daily life, then a careful professional assessment is advisable.
Why does one part of me want to change while another part resists?
Because change is not always experienced as safe. One part may want to move forward, while another may fear rejection, failure, shame or loss of control. Clinically, I do not read this as incoherence, but as a conflict between different needs. Sometimes resistance is trying to protect you from a pain that was once real. Understanding that function is usually more helpful than fighting against it, because it allows us to work with more precision and less guilt.
Is resistance to change the same as self-sabotage?
Sometimes it may feel that way, but I prefer not to use that word automatically. Self-sabotage can be a very harsh label for behaviours that, in reality, often have a protective function. Avoiding, postponing or freezing may serve to avoid failure, judgement or an emotion that feels overwhelming. That does not remove responsibility, but it adds understanding. In therapy, I usually explore what that behaviour is trying to avoid and what kinder, more effective alternative can be built.
What is the connection between internal parts and anxiety?
Anxiety often amplifies inner conflict because it activates anticipation, control, doubt and avoidance. One part wants to do something, while another sees danger in almost every step. This can create mental fatigue and a feeling of being stuck. Rumination and emotional suppression also tend to maintain anxiety rather than resolve it. That is why, when I work with anxiety, I am very interested in identifying which part is trying to control, which part is afraid and what it needs in order to feel safe enough to move forward.
Can depression make me feel stuck inside?
Yes. Depression is not always experienced only as sadness; it can also feel like shutdown, lack of energy, difficulty making decisions, hopelessness and intense self-criticism. In that state, the part that wants to change may feel very distant or very weak. It is not a moral issue of effort. Very often it is a matter of emotional load, tiredness and loss of motivation. When this happens, intervention may need clinical support, structure and a realistic pace.
How are internal parts worked with in therapy?
First, I identify them and put them into words with the person. Then we explore what function each part has, what it fears and what it is trying to protect. From there, the work may include emotional regulation, reducing self-criticism, self-compassion, gradual exposure when appropriate and tools adapted to anxiety, depression or trauma. The aim is not to eliminate parts, but to reduce the internal war and increase the ability to choose from a more stable place. The evidence especially supports approaches that improve emotional regulation and self-compassion.
When should I seek professional help?
I recommend seeking help when inner conflict becomes persistent, limits your daily life or leaves you feeling trapped. It is also important to seek support if thoughts of death, self-harm, problematic substance use, severe isolation or a clear drop in functioning appear. You do not have to reach that point to ask for support, but it is wise not to postpone it if distress is already taking up too much space. In those cases, a clinical assessment can help organise what is happening and prioritise what matters most.
Do you recognise this feeling of inner struggle?
If one part of you wants to move forward and another gets stuck, you do not have to resolve it alone. In therapy, we can explore what each part is trying to protect, reduce self-criticism and build safer, more realistic steps.