María de los Ángeles Sanz Ruiz
María Ángeles supports emotional, relational and neuropsychological processes from a contextual perspective. In addition, her work brings together personal history, relationships, emotional regulation, executive functions, learning and behaviour.
Therefore, she understands that what a person does cannot be separated from what they feel, what they have lived through and the resources they currently have.
Article reviewed and updated by María de los Ángeles Sanz Ruiz. This version updates the clinical authorship of the content. In addition, it includes a more relational, emotional and neuropsychological view of challenging behaviour.
Challenging behaviour is not always provocation, a lack of boundaries or an intention to upset others. For example, it may express emotional overload, frustration, fear, sensory stress or communication difficulties.
However, understanding this does not mean allowing every behaviour. Instead, it means responding better, with clear limits, emotional support and careful clinical judgement.
When challenging behaviour needs to be understood
At home, at school or in therapy, some behaviours can cause real concern. These may include shouting, intense meltdowns, refusal of tasks, aggression, shutdowns, running away or breaking objects.
As a result, families and teachers often feel exhausted. They may also feel confused, guilty or unsure about how to respond.
In practice, the first reaction is often to stop the behaviour as quickly as possible. However, psychology and neuropsychology invite us to ask a deeper question: what is this behaviour trying to communicate?
At Ocnos Psychology Clinic, in Palmones, we approach these situations through individualised clinical understanding. Therefore, we may recommend family guidance, psychological therapy, psychological assessment or neuropsychological assessment, depending on the case.
“Every behaviour makes sense within a personal history, a relational system and a specific neuropsychological profile. Therefore, listening with empathy helps us understand which emotion, need or difficulty may be behind the distress.”
What do we mean by challenging behaviour?
Challenging behaviour is a way of acting that significantly disrupts daily life, affects learning, causes distress or involves risk. Therefore, it is not simply an inconvenient behaviour.
It can appear in children, teenagers or adults. In addition, it may be present in people with communication difficulties, anxiety, ADHD, autism spectrum profiles, learning difficulties, emotional regulation difficulties or family stress.
A common mistake is to interpret the behaviour only from the outside. For example, adults may think: “they are doing it on purpose”, “they are challenging authority” or “they just need stricter boundaries”.
However, behaviour often has a function. It may help the person avoid a demand, seek help, release tension, regain control or express something they cannot yet put into words.
Behaviour as communication
Behaviour communicates. It communicates even when a person cannot find the words.
For example, it may say: “I can’t do this”, “this is too much”, “I need help”, “I am scared” or “I do not understand what is being asked of me”.
This is especially important in childhood, adolescence and neurodiversity. When emotional language, cognitive flexibility, planning or inhibition are still developing, behaviour can become the fastest way to express distress.
However, understanding behaviour as communication does not mean removing all limits. Boundaries are still necessary. At the same time, limits work better when they are clear, calm and connected.
The neuropsychological view
In many cases, challenging behaviour does not appear because the person refuses to cooperate. Instead, some of the skills needed to cooperate may not yet be developed enough.
In addition, those skills may be overloaded in that moment. Therefore, what looks like “they won’t” may sometimes be closer to “they can’t yet”.
Executive functions and behaviour
From a neuropsychological perspective, we observe attention, inhibitory control, working memory, cognitive flexibility, planning, language, sensory integration and processing speed.
These functions influence how a person understands a demand, tolerates a change, waits their turn, accepts a “no”, organises a task or stops an impulse.
Executive functions
For example, difficulties with planning, impulse control or task switching can appear as opposition, disorganisation or emotional outbursts.
Language and communication
When it is hard to ask for help or understand instructions, behaviour may become a fast way to communicate distress.
Sensory overload
Noise, light, touch, change or too many demands can exceed a person’s capacity to stay regulated.
For this reason, a neuropsychological view can be useful when there may be ADHD, learning difficulties, autism spectrum traits, language difficulties, dyslexia or significant regulation difficulties.
A key clinical question: before concluding that a person “does not want to”, we should consider whether they can actually do it in that moment, with those demands and that level of emotional activation.
A relational and contextual perspective
Behaviour does not happen in a vacuum. It happens in a context, with specific people, after something and before a consequence.
Therefore, understanding behaviour means looking at the whole system. We need to ask what happened before, how the environment responded and what the person obtained or avoided through that response.
From a relational perspective, we also ask how certain patterns developed over time. For example, a behaviour may repeat because it became the only available way to be seen, stop a demand, ask for help or regain closeness.
This approach does not blame the family, the school or the person. Instead, it helps everyone move away from blame and towards understanding.
Functional analysis and the ABC model
Functional analysis helps us understand what keeps a behaviour going. One of the best-known models is the ABC model.
- A — Antecedent: what happens just before the behaviour.
- B — Behaviour: what the person does, described in observable terms.
- C — Consequence: what happens just afterwards and how it may maintain the behaviour.
For example, a child may have a meltdown when asked to tidy away toys. If the task is then removed, the behaviour may be maintained because it helps the child escape a difficult demand.
However, this does not mean the child is consciously manipulating the situation. Instead, they may not yet have a more adaptive way to say: “I can’t”, “I need help” or “I am overwhelmed”.
Main functions of challenging behaviour
The same behaviour can have different functions depending on the person, the moment and the context. Therefore, it is not helpful to use generic responses without observing first.
Escape or avoidance
The behaviour helps the person avoid a task, situation, emotion or interaction that feels too difficult or unpleasant.
Access to something wanted
The behaviour helps the person obtain an object, activity, screen, food, control or a change in the environment.
Attention or connection
The behaviour obtains interaction, a response or the presence of another person, even if that response is negative.
Internal regulation
The behaviour helps the person release tension, reduce overload, calm an emotion or regain a sense of control.
In practice, identifying the function is not about labelling the person. Instead, it helps us understand what they are trying to solve with the resources they have.
How to observe behaviour more carefully
Good analysis does not mean applying a fixed recipe. Instead, it means forming hypotheses, observing, adjusting and checking whether the intervention helps.
Describe without labels
Instead of saying “they behave badly”, describe what they do: shout, hit, hide, refuse, freeze or run away.
Observe antecedents
Look at what happens before: a demand, a transition, frustration, waiting, correction, tiredness, hunger or noise.
Explore emotions and needs
For example, ask whether there may be fear, shame, anger, sadness, exhaustion, insecurity or a need for connection.
Consider neuropsychological functions
In addition, observe inhibition, task switching, understanding, organisation, waiting and regulation of bodily activation.
Analyse consequences
Notice what happens afterwards: a task is removed, attention is given, something is obtained or tension is released.
Teach alternatives
Finally, teach safer ways to ask for help, express distress, rest, negotiate, wait, anticipate change or regulate.
Intervention is not only correction
When a behaviour serves a function, trying to remove it without offering an alternative often leaves the person without tools.
Therefore, the aim is not simply to make it stop. The aim is to help the person find a more adaptive way to express what is happening.
Useful intervention tools
- Functional communication: teaching the person to ask for help, a break, time, attention or a change of activity.
- Differential reinforcement: reinforcing alternative or more adaptive behaviours.
- Adjusted demands: grading difficulty, breaking tasks down and reducing overload.
- Anticipation: explaining changes and preparing transitions.
- Co-regulation: supporting the emotion before expecting self-regulation.
- Executive function support: working on planning, flexibility, waiting, organisation and problem-solving.
The role of adults
A person who is overwhelmed cannot always regulate simply because they are told to. In many cases, they first need a calm and consistent adult.
However, this does not mean allowing everything. It means holding the boundary without losing the connection.
Helpful adult responses
- use a calm tone and short phrases;
- avoid long arguments during the crisis;
- validate the emotion without reinforcing harmful behaviour;
- keep boundaries clear and predictable;
- offer specific alternatives;
- review what happened once the person is regulated;
- observe whether the demand is currently beyond the person’s skills.
In addition, adults may need support too. Families often feel exhausted, and psychological guidance can help them respond with more clarity and less guilt.
When behaviour affects family life
At home, repeated behaviours can affect the whole family. For example, they may create tension between parents, disagreements about boundaries or fear that the situation will get worse.
Therefore, we do not only look at the child’s behaviour. We also look at the family dynamic that has developed around the difficulty.
When adults find it hard to coordinate their response, it may be useful to work on communication, boundaries and decision-making. In some cases, couples therapy can also reduce the strain around parenting.
When to consider neuropsychological assessment
Not every challenging behaviour requires a neuropsychological assessment. However, assessment may be helpful when the behaviour appears together with persistent difficulties in attention, learning, language, memory, planning, impulsivity, frustration tolerance or cognitive flexibility.
In addition, it may be useful when school notices a clear gap between what the person seems to understand and what they can actually do.
Assessment can also be helpful when there may be ADHD, autism spectrum traits, dyslexia or another neurodevelopmental difficulty. As a result, families and schools can understand what support is really needed.
Assessment is not about labelling for the sake of labelling. Its purpose is to understand the person’s functioning and translate that information into useful support.
How we work at Ocnos Psychology Clinic
At Ocnos, we do not start from general recipes. First, we listen and gather information.
Then, depending on the case, we may combine interviews, observation, brief records, family guidance, coordination with school and psychological or neuropsychological assessment.
The aim is to build a plan that is realistic and respectful. Therefore, the plan should not only reduce a behaviour. It should also increase communication, emotional regulation, frustration tolerance, autonomy, executive functioning and the ability to ask for help.
Adapted clinical example: a child who shouts when asked to start written tasks may not simply be “being challenging”. The task may feel overwhelming because of language difficulty, fear of mistakes, planning problems or sensory overload.
Therefore, the intervention might include asking for help, grading the task, anticipating the steps and reinforcing small attempts.
Common myths about challenging behaviour
- “They do it to annoy people.” The behaviour may be upsetting, but that does not mean this is the main intention.
- “They just need more punishment.” Punishment may stop something temporarily, but it does not teach an alternative.
- “It is just a lack of boundaries.” Boundaries may help. However, the main difficulty may be regulation, communication or flexibility.
- “If I understand it, I am justifying it.” Understanding is not justifying. Instead, it allows us to intervene better.
- “If they can do it sometimes, they can do it always.” A person may have a skill when calm and lose access to it when overloaded.
Practical recommendations for families and educators
Although every case is different, these guidelines may help as a starting point.
- observe when the behaviour happens and what happens just before;
- avoid interpreting intention too quickly;
- ask what emotion, need or difficulty may be underneath;
- reduce long explanations during the crisis;
- keep limits clear, brief and consistent;
- anticipate changes and divide complex tasks into small steps;
- teach a specific alternative to the problem behaviour;
- reinforce attempts at more adaptive communication;
- notice difficulties with attention, language, learning or executive functions;
- seek professional help if the behaviour involves risk or high distress.
Conclusion: changing the question changes the intervention
Challenging behaviour is not only something to eliminate. It is a signal that should be listened to.
For example, it may show an emotion that has not found words, a need that is not being expressed, a neuropsychological difficulty, a learning history or a relational pattern.
Therefore, the question changes. Instead of asking only “how do I make it stop?”, we can ask: “what is this behaviour trying to communicate, and what does this person need to learn?”
From there, the goal is not to correct the person. Rather, it is to help them develop safer resources to relate, regulate, understand themselves and ask for help.
Clinical and educational sources consulted
This article is informative. It is based on a clinical understanding of behaviour, emotional regulation, functional analysis, neuropsychology and family support.
Would you like to understand a behaviour that keeps repeating?
If a behaviour is persistent, intense or affecting family life, Ocnos can help you understand what may be behind it.
In addition, we can help you consider what type of support may fit best. We offer psychological care in Palmones, close to Algeciras, Los Barrios, La Línea, Sotogrande and Gibraltar.
Book an appointment at Ocnos Psychology Clinic
About the author
This article has been reviewed and updated by María de los Ángeles Sanz Ruiz, General Health Psychologist at Ocnos Psychology Clinic, COPAO AN12933, with experience in neuropsychology.
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Frequently asked questions about challenging behaviour
What is challenging behaviour?
Challenging behaviour is a way of acting that disrupts daily life, affects learning, causes distress or may involve risk. It can appear as shouting, intense meltdowns, aggression, shutdowns, refusal of tasks or escape behaviours.
Does challenging behaviour always mean a lack of boundaries?
No. Boundaries can be important. However, challenging behaviour may also be related to emotional regulation, communication, anxiety, overload, learning history, executive functions or relational patterns.
How is neuropsychology related to challenging behaviour?
Neuropsychology helps us understand attention, language, planning, inhibition, cognitive flexibility, working memory and emotional regulation. When these functions are overloaded, opposition, shutdowns, impulsivity or emotional outbursts may appear.
Why is it important to understand the function of behaviour?
Because the same behaviour can have different reasons. For example, it may help the person avoid a demand, obtain attention, access something wanted, communicate distress or regulate an intense emotion.
What can adults do when challenging behaviour appears?
Adults can keep limits clear, reduce long explanations during the crisis, observe what happens before and after, validate the emotion and teach safer ways to ask for help or express distress.
When should psychological or neuropsychological support be considered?
Support should be considered when the behaviour repeats, becomes more intense, involves risk, affects family or school life, causes distress or appears with difficulties in attention, learning, language, impulsivity, flexibility or emotional regulation.
Does Ocnos work with families and challenging behaviour?
Yes. At Ocnos Psychology Clinic, each case is considered individually. Therefore, we can work with the person, the family and, when appropriate, guide coordination with the educational setting or carry out psychological or neuropsychological assessment.
This content is informative and does not replace an individual psychological assessment. If there is a risk to the person or to others, it is advisable to seek professional support as soon as possible.